Title: Full Of Love 1/10
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 5/11/03
Spoilers: Through First Date...then I make my own little world based on Joss'. I like mine better than his.
Summary: A change in attitude results in better choices and a more effective plan of action against The First...not to mention romance.
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Romance/Drama
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Warning: Character death, a spot or two of violence, slight Andrew torture, and heavy-duty Giles snark ahead. Do not proceed if you are troubled with a low sarcasm tolerence.

Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of Kerrie's birthday...which was several days ago, but it's the thought that counts. Anyway, she requested the following: B/G & smoochies..throw in some leather, his earring and that shirt he had on in "Family". That color on him was just drool worthy oh and maybe some singing....sigh and the rest of the gang finding out about them in an unusual way.
Dedication: To Kerrie, who did not go overboard at all. Happy birthday, my dear. I hope you don't mind sharing with two other beautiful B/G birthday girls: the inimitable Rari Coss, and my sweet Savage. May you all three celebrate many more years in health, happiness, and prosperity.

Giles slammed the kettle on the burner rather more emphatically than he normally would. Even the way he filled the teaball took on a fairly savage aspect.

"Dating! At a time like this!" he muttered fiercely under his breath. "The lot of them are bloody insane!"

"Not really," came a voice from the doorway. "Not in a lock-us-up-in-special-white-jackets way, anyhow."

"Buffy, I'm not in the mood..."

"To listen to someone tell you you need to calm down before you have a stroke?" She walked into the room and sat at the counter. "So, any chance there's enough in that pot to share with me?"

"Where are the others?"

"Sent them out to train. Xander and Spike went back to Xand's place to rest up and get better. I think Anya went with them. As for Dawn, it's a school night. She's in her room doing the homework she put off until now. See? All doing the serious, just like you wanted."

"This isn't a whim, Buffy," he said turning to her at last. "None of you have time for this sort of...nonsense."

"We know it's serious," she said. "We know this is big. We know it's bad, and we know it's coming. We're preparing the best we can for this apocalypse. But, Giles, I've finally figured out we all need some breathing space, too. All these girls have lost everything: their homes, their Watchers, their clothes and stuffed animals and favorite hairdressers and anything else they cared about. I finally get that they need to see there's more than death and violence and depression to this whole thing. They need to believe there's a normal they're fighting for."

"Where did you learn that particular bit of insanity?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you, Giles. You always tried to give me as much normal as you could. Okay, so sometimes I tried to push the envelope a little bit, but I knew you were doing your best. You even offered me ice cream when my boyfriend broke up with me right before the prom. How normal is that?"

Giles turned and poured the now boiling water into the teapot and brought it over to the breakfast bar to steep.

"Ah yes, the middle-aged bachelor librarian offers to take the pretty high school senior out for sweets. That's certainly normal."

"In my world, that's about as close as it gets." She went to get a pair of mugs out of the cupboard. She stood for a moment, her back to him, her shoulders tight. "I never forgot it, you know."

"The ice cream?"

"No. Before that. What you said after...when Angel turned. How you said he did love me, and how you didn't think I was bad, even after I made him lose his soul. You didn't try to pretend things weren't awful, but you told me that I wasn't bad. That I was good. That you still liked me. Have you changed your mind?"

Giles regarded her back with wounded eyes.

"Can you really think that?" he asked at last.

"You used to trust me."

"You used to want more for yourself. Buffy, this thing with Spike, I don't know what it is you're doing, but it isn't healthy. And dating your boss...what are you thinking? Are you thinking at all?"

"One date," Buffy reminded him. "I went on one date with him, and it was at least half because I wanted to check him out - check that he's not evil, I mean. And he's not. Evil."

"It took dinner and dancing to find that out?"

"More like dinner and dusting. We got caught in a vampattack on our way to the restaurant. He's good. He could stake for Anerica."

She took the mugs back to the breakfast bar and poured the tea.

"How?" Giles asked as he slid into his seat. "Why?"

"No superpowers. At least not any he knows about, and I'd think he's old enough to know. But there's something about him...something he told me about himself. Or, more about his mother really." She looked seriously at her companion. "Giles, he said his mother was a Slayer."

"A what?" he nearly choked on his tea. "His mother was a what?"

"A Slayer. Like me. One that actually grew up and everything. And she got to do something normal. Something pretty much most of the world takes for granted. How's that for unexpected?"

"Very." He sipped his tea and watched her for a long moment. "You know, soul or no soul, Spike can't have children."

"I know that. And I did figure out it's kinda rough getting a marriage license when the only ID one of you has is a hundred-year-old death certificate. But that's not what it's all about. I'm not going to be with Spike again."

"Then what is it about? Because I'm dammned if I can make any sort of sense out of your behavior."

Buffy sat and toyed with her mug for some time.

"It's about being sorry," she said at last. "It's about how I used him and I owe him big time. Like I said earlier, fighting evil doesn't give me any right to do evil. And don't even tell me he was using me, too, because contrary to popular opinion, I do have a brain. Once in a while I even use it. The fact that he was using me doesn't change the fact that I was using him. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have gone and gotten his soul. After all the times I excused everything Angel did because he had a soul, the least I can do is give Spike the chance to prove himself. I need to know for sure. And I need to know that I didn't destroy him by making him a freak of nature."

"You didn't put that chip in his head, Buffy. You didn't send him to get his soul. You are not responsible for what Spike has become." Giles watched her drain her mug. "You can't live your life making up for what happened between you. I don't know the details, but I do know you need to move on."

"And I can't do that until I do this. Until I know whether I can trust Spike, I can't stop being a part of his life, or having him as part of mine. Besides, there's that whole thing about how The First is going to activate him again."

"Another excellent reason to let him go somewhere far away."

"The best reason in the world to keep him here," Buffy retorted. "This thing is world wide. There's no out of bounds on this one, Giles. Wherever Spike goes, The First can switch him back on and make him into a killing machine again. If he's here. I can do whatever I can to keep him from having a huge suckfest on the populace."

"And if you can't stop him?"

"Then I can make it as quick and as painless as I can. I don't want to have to, but if it needs to be done, it's better to have him where all the Slayer power is concentrated."

She began gathering the dishes. Giles watched her. Her face was frozen in a stubborn mask that he knew well. There was no point in arguing. And he had to admit to himself, if not her, that she had made some good points. He stood and took up his customary cloth to help her dry the dishes. They worked efficiently together. It was a long time before either spoke.

"I wonder if it skips a generation."

"What?" Giles asked.

"Slaying. I wonder if it's like diabetes and it skips a generation, or if it's because he's a guy. What do you think?"

"So we're back to the other man in your life, are we?"

"Don't be so grumpy. He's...I bet he won't even want a second date. And anyway, this is sort of scientific curiosity."

"If I had known all it would take to kindle an interest would be a good-looking young chap, I might have tried finding someone like him years ago."

"You think he's good-looking?"

"How the hell would I know? I haven't even seen him yet."

Buffy put up the last mug and turned to Giles.

"He's not bad," she said. "The earrings are a definite turn on. Plus there's the fact that he knows about vampires and Slayers. That's sort of in the comfort zone for me. But there is the wigsome part where he's my boss and he's on a big quest to find and dust the vamp that got his mom. I'm not so sure I can deal with obsessed again. Besides, I could see Spike knew."

"Knew what?"

"That there's sort of no there there. I mean, he's a nice guy and he's good looking and he's not of the evil and all that's just peachy, but there's no...spark."

"And Spike told you this?"

"Sort of. He likes to tell people things they don't want to know about themselves, y'know. He spent all of last year telling me what I did and didn't want to believe; that I wanted the pain, that I needed the darkness. And he was right in ways I don't even want to think about. And he's right when he says part of me still wants that. There's part of me that still wants to hide and be punished. I don't know if I'll ever completely stop wanting that. But he said something else once I didn't want to hear. About you."

"What was that?"

"That he'd always wondered. About us. You and me."

Giles looked at the floor and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Ah. Well, I suppose our relationship has always been open to...misinterpretation..."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, feeling oddly shy. "I guess it has been. Even by us. I mean, this is Spike. Look at his track record. He knew just how badly Willow was falling apart after Oz left when none of the rest of us saw it coming, he knew exactly what buttons to push to get us all yelling at each other inside a day, he knew that Angel and I would never really be friends, and he knew what I wanted last year. And he knew that if he wanted to really get my goat all he had to do was talk about you. Maybe it's time to take another look at us. Maybe...over dinner or something."

"I hardly think this is the time to...are you really asking me out on a date?"

"You got a better time in mind? You said it yourself. Any or all of us might die in this one. I don't want to die again and still not know if he was right. And yes, I'm asking. So, want to go out with me?"

"As another scientific experiment?"

Buffy smiled up at him.

"Could be. Oh, and wear an earring. If you don't have one, you could always borrow one of mine."

"Why should I do that?"

"It's an experiment. To see if it makes you sexy enough to get lucky."

"I don't recall actually agreeing to go out with you."

"But you'll go, right?"

"After my speech tonight? I'm not sure I can. After all, mere hours ago, I was the Grinch that stole dating."

"Yeah, but that was when you were the only one not getting any. And it's not like Xander's gonna be dating much for a while. Plus, I think Willow can be talked into patrolling with the mini-Slayers for one night. If nothing else, she and Kennedy can make eyes at each other across the headstones."

"And likely get themselves killed in the process," Giles grumbled.

"But what a way to go."

"All right," he sighed at last. "I suppose we do both have to eat, at any rate."

"And they say romance is dead."

NEXT