Title: Full Of Love 9/10
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

"Look at me, Buffy," Giles urged her. "Look at me, dammit!"

"I can't," she protested, burying her face harder into his shoulder. "It's right. How could anybody love someone like me?"

"Couldn't," the Spike-faced apparition said cheerfuly. "You're a right waste of space. You've pushed all your friends away, driven off any decent man who might have loved you...even your own dad wouldn't stick around. You know he took one look at you and decided no more kiddies, don't you? So did your mum. The only reason you've got a sister is those meddling monks, and even they couldn't create something that would love you back. Little Bit resents the hell out of you, you know. She was glad when you ended it all. She'd dance if you did it again. They all would. There's nothing in the world they've regretted as much as bringing you back for another sodding encore."

"Don't listen to it," Giles said. "Whatever it's saying, it's wrong. It isn't telling you the truth."

"How do you know that?" Buffy demanded. "You don't know what I've done...what I've been like."

"I know you. No matter what you think you've done that's so horrible, it doesn't change what you are to me."

"That's what he says now," the creature said as it morphed yet again into Angelus. "But we both know how much you can rely on that, don't we? He'll do exactly what I did: he'll get you into bed and then turn his back on you. Let's face it, he's abandoned you already, and that was before he found out how cold you are, how unresponsive, how you just lie there and take it. You make the guy do all the work, and then you can still pretend you're a good girl...but you're not. You created monsters. You turned me into a killer, and Riley into a vampire bite junkie. You turned Spike into a rapist. None of us would have been those things if it wasn't for you, spreading your thighs like a penance. What do you think Giles will do if you let him into your bed? Maybe you'll even find out why they called him 'Ripper'."

She nearly leapt off the bed and stood trembling in a corner of the room. Giles approached her carefully, as he would a wounded wild animal.

"Buffy," he said in a quiet, coaxing tone, "it's all right. I won't hurt you. Just try to tell me what it's saying, if you can. If you talk to me, I can help you."

"Yeah, why don't you talk to him," the entity sneered. "You know he'll never tell you the truth. He'll just say whatever it takes to get you back in that bed."

"Stop it!" Buffy yelled. "Stop saying that!"

"What is it saying? Tell me."

She turned her head away from Giles.

"I can't trust you," she whispered. "And I can't trust me with you."

"That's right," the Angelus-faced creature said. "You can't trust anybody."

"Look at me, Buffy," Giles urged. "You have to trust yourself. Whatever you decide about me, you must trust yourself."

"Why should I? Everything I touch, I destroy. Angel, Riley, even Spike. I ruined them all, and for what? Tell me what for!"

"You didn't harm them," Giles said. "Angel was cursed, Riley had issues none of us could have guessed at, and as for Spike...how the hell does one ruin something already so ruined? And what about me? What of Willow and Xander? We have all gained from knowing you."

"No you haven't. I've let you all get hurt, and I've hurt you myself."

"That may be true, but I don't think any of us would prefer not to have you in our lives. I know that I've gained more than I've lost being with you."

"He lost a girlfriend he really loved," the creature reminded Buffy. "He should have spent most of a summer in the hospital after what you let me do to him, but he spent it chasing after any clue to find you. He did permanent damage to himself because you were hiding."

"Remember the summer you disappeared?" Giles said. "I spent the entire time searching for you. I didn't care about the expense or the frustration, so long as I could see you again. When you came back, it was all I could do not to take you in my arms and weep for joy. I ought to have done it and damn the consequences."

She looked up at him at last. Tears tracked down her cheeks. She was still trembling.

"R-really" she gulped.

"Really, Buffy. It wasn't like this, but I loved you even then. So many things have changed over the years, but that never has. It never will change. I love you."

"Don't listen to him," the First hissed in her ear. "Nobody could love you. You're not worth it."

"Look in my eyes, Buffy," Giles said. "Look in them, and you'll know."

He held out his hand to her. She looked back at the floor for a moment. Finally, she raised her eyes to his and looked into them. At last, she spoke.

"Turn around."

"What...?"

"Turn around. Let me see your back."

Giles looked at her with a confused expression, but did as she asked. She moved closer. First, she inspected him with her eyes, then her fingers joined in. Her brows drew together as she touched his skin. There were several long scars, but nothing like the horrors her mind had envisioned when she thought of what might have been done to him that night.

"It's not so bad," she said slowly. "I thought it would be worse."

"It seemed bad enough at the time. But it's a wonder what vitamin E can do to reduce scarring."

She laid her hand flat against his back. She could feel every muscle tense. Slowly, she moved closer and slid her arms around his waist.

"It's my fault," she said quietly. "I should have gone faster. Should have saved you. I won't make that mistake again."

His hands covered hers over his belly. A moment later, he turned in her arms.

"You can't do this!" the First howled. "You should both be slitting your wrists by now!"

"Oh shut up," Buffy told the creature. "You're not worth listening to. And while you're at it, would you just go away? We really don't need an audience."

The beast gave an unearthly scream and popped out of the room. Buffy reached her arms around Giles' neck and smiled at him.

"Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?"

He lowered his lips to hers and proceeded to make up for lost time.

*****

Xander hauled back his fist to punch a Bringer, when suddenly, all the eyeless minions stopped fighting and began to leave.

"Yeah," he taunted them to their backs, "we won. That's right! Go back and tell your evil master that we were too much for you!" He turned to Willow. "How were we too much for them? We shouldn't have won, should we?"

"I don't know. I'm just kinda glad we did. I guess we better see how the troops came through it."

They turned and surveyed the battlefield. Amanda was doing her best to staunch the flow of blood from a gash on her forehead, Dawn cradled her left arm carefully, several other girls were obviously wounded to one degree and another. They all stared at Rona, who lay still in the middle of the room, her eyes wide and sightless. Near her, there was a pile of dust. For a long moment, nobody said anything. At last, Xander moved to Dawn's side.

"Come on, Dawnster," he said quietly. "We better get you to the emergency room."

One by one, the small army rose. The wounded girls were helped out to Xander's car by their comrades. Kennedy found a blanket to put over Rona's body. At last, Willow moved to the kitchen to get the Dustbuster.

"Sorry, Spike," she told the dustpile, "but I can't sweep on the carpet."

She turned on the small vacuum cleaner.

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