Title: The Perils of Insufficient Research
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 10/31/04
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: Caution Man fails to research the possible side-effects and suffers the consequences
Rating: PG-13 for nudity, suggestive suggestions
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Sillyfic/drabble
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of Cindy B.'s Halloween challenge for Giles to go to a party as Adam dressed in a fig leaf. Thanks, Cindy, for giving me the inspiration to write this.

"Please, Buffy, I'm in no mood to be lectured. Just put the bloody ointment on me!"

"That's what you get for trying to be accurate," Buffy informed Giles without a trace of sympathy for his plight. "It's all your own fault. And now I have to suffer, too. I still think we should have gone as Salome and John the Baptist."

"What on Earth possessed Xander to hold a costume party based around Biblical characters, anyway?"

"I dunno. Now are you gonna sit still, or do I have to pin you down?"

"Alright, alright. Just...get on with it, will you? I'm in utter misery."

Buffy opened up the tub of salve the doctor had prescribed and applied it liberally to her lover's groin area. As she worked, her patient continued to complain.

"And it's no good you smirking, just because you're not suffering. It's not fair."

"Hey, I just didn't want everyone in the room getting too good a look at my goodies. That's why I rented my Eve costume. Can I help it if you just had to go for full accuracy and wouldn't wear a flesh-colored catsuit? And you see the result? I, who wore spandex all over with a couple fake leaves, am just fine. You, who had to get genuine fig leaves and string them very breezily over your naughty bits, are now covered in a nasty rash."

"I didn't know there would be a side effect!"

"You didn't research?"

"But...no, I didn't. It was leaves. It was in the Bible, for goodness' sake!"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better when I can't have any nookie for a week while we wait for the welts to go down?"

"I'm sorry, darling, but I'm in the habit of trusting ancient texts. Occupational hazard, I'm afraid." He couldn't help a soft groan as Buffy's soft hands slid over his groin, spreading soothing ointment over the hideous rash. "That does feel nice," he said. "Thank you."

"All part of the service." She finished her task, wiped her hands, and stretched out beside Giles. "And the sympathy starts now. Poor, poor baby," she giggled. "That's gotta feel miserable."

"Yes, it does, as you would know if you had listened to any of my earlier complaints."

"Tuned them out so I wouldn't be distracted. Now have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, I have."

"And that lesson is...?"

"Always research the consequences," he sighed.

"Very good. You're the research guy, remember?"

"And you're action girl, as I recall."

"Tonight? In your dreams. But when the rash clears up..."

"What then?"

"Let's just say you'll still be walking funny, but for a whole different reason."

"I can hardly wait."

THE END