Title: The Diary of Rupert Giles
Author: Willa
Pairing: Giles/Anya
Rating: PG
Setting: Roughly 5th season, alt-verse (not Wishverse)
Feedback: Yes, please!
Archive?: Most certainly!
A/N: Canon has been toyed with until this became an alt-verse, but it was so much fun to write.
A/N #2: Reading "The Diary of Bridget Jones" can be hazardous to your mental health and can end up being exorcised in fanfiction. Summary: Humor. Personal diary of Rupert Giles and his growing fascination with Anya...

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and any content pertaining to, are the property of Fox and any other holders of said properties. This fic, and it's author have not been authorized by Fox. No infringement is intended.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #1~~

Must say, shop-keeping proves pleasant if wearying enterprise. First day ? simply run off feet. Doubt that even nubs remain. Must check later to be certain. Would be most distressing if Buffy, et. al., come by in morning to discover a legless creature tottering about the place and mistake me for a demon. Again.

Will admit, am not v. recognizable before several cups of coffee. Barbaric American habits that I have fallen into...

Decided on spur of the moment to hire Anya as shop assistant. Not certain why. Does have excellent knowledge of merchandise and surprising capitalist talent, but fearing loud discussions of orgasms may prove off-putting to customers? hmm.

Memo to self: be certain Anya is aware of love spell candles, charms, etc. and knows to go in for kill when browsers approach. Her distinct lack of? tact may prove excellent selling device.

Exhausted. Going to bed. Dear lord, wonder if should even bother. Is almost time to get up. Where do the hours go?

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #2~~

Note to self: never, ever read Dracula again. Besides being grossly inaccurate (according to Spike and company), also tends to leave one with certain Neanderthal journaling style. Dreadful neglect of pronouns - missing like holes in a jigsaw. Well, Watcher diaries a different matter ? all proper & correct there ? so with this scribbling, no matter; call it a private diary which none but self shall read.

Unless is found by B. or others. Need to think of good hiding place. Do realize utter futility of venture.

Require more coffee to think clearly.

Needed private moment due to Anya (see previous entry). Appeared at shop doorstep at 6:30 (one hour after had gotten to sleep) dressed in own version of "helpful staff" attire. Frightened the crows. Think she got idea from watching Hitchcock films.

Memo to self: enlist Xander's help to monitor Anya's viewing choices if poss. Will not do to let her near anything that may influence sales techniques. God forbid she view "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (fine film though it may be). Could not cope with sudden outbursts of song over herb displays.

Should not have said that. This is Sunnydale. Now certain to happen some day. Oh, well, will deal with when time comes...

There goes key and doorbell (remove damned bell!). Must be Anya. Returned in good time. Oh, carrying bakery box. Brilliant. Not necc., but nice gesture, even if pastries likely intended for herself. Will try to canoodle jelly doughnut if one in there.

Fragrant smell of baked goods & coffee helping frame of mind. Will go begin training her immediately.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #3~~

Anya seems eager to learn. Already quite helpful. Only asked to refrain from mentioning sexual egress twice in one hour. Not bad odds.

However, cheerful comment to prospective customer concerning properties of cinnamon candle wax nearly caused choking fit on jelly doughnut.

Am sure she will improve with time.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #4~~

Why the hell did I offer Anya position?

Am now proud owner of whiteboard hanging in "staff kitchen", with following list:

Things Not To Say To Customers

I.e., "You do look awfully chunky in that dress. Buy the pretty rocks and see if they help." to woman considering willpower crystals for weight loss. Not good.

Also, "I would recommend these tasty herbal mint tablets, sold in their attractive tin packaging, over manipulating your chakra points for sexual pleasure. That's really just bull hockey anyway. Here, try one." This is worse. Anya chasing customer with mint: must be seen to be believed.

Or: "It was not a pleasure to serve you, since you are amazingly rude, comparatively ugly and smell bad. But have a nice day!" Worst of all. Hid in office until customer and Anya went away.

Anya not taking gentle reprimands well. Says that being human and persistently cheerful are both new to her and that I should "cut her some slack".

Must admit, am perplexed. How to keep her joie de vive intact without offending customers? Will consider this at length.

Memo to self: If ever, ever hear Anya squeal: "Halfrek, what are you doing here?", do not turn around. Not worth it. Trust self on this one.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #5~~

Solstice Clearance (Anya's idea) tremendous success. Am getting too old for this. Ridiculously busy. V. good fun, though. Cash register sounding like Vegas machine. May more than break even this month; good!

However, great to-do in addition to other chaos. Xander chose height of sale to break up with Anya. Was, apparently, caught snogging Spike after eating handful of tinned mints.

Anya v. upset.

Fortunately, Halfrek refused to make good on vengeance request. Still wincing at wording of Anya's request. Not sure why H. didn't follow through. Not bound by same rules? All v. peculiar. Did appear in veined glory when summoned, but peeped like small mouse at sight of S. and vanished. Most intriguing. Must investigate later.

Meanwhile, Anya doubly upset. Drank several glasses of sparkling wine intended for customers, then shouted intention to "see the New Year in properly, damn it!". And kissed Buffy. Thoroughly.

B. now traumatized. Riley in mild state of shock. Willow in counselor- mode. Tara mostly just intrigued; helped defuse situation but kept grinning v. inappropriately. Seems to enjoy Anya's frankness. (Memo to self: shy Wicca slightly alarming from time to time. Do not underestimate.)

W. decided to take Anya back to dorm for chocolate and comfort. B. fled with R. Do not want to know where X. went or what is currently doing with S.; will not ask.

Left to perform all clean-up duty by self. Not surprised. Disposed of champagne first by drinking it; decided to let remainder temp. go hang. Bed.

Anya nowhere in sight this a.m., so will remain closed today. Will act childish as desired and crawl back into bed to nurse hangover long as need be. So there.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #6~~

Some days later, B. once again speaking to Anya. Relieved.

Anya says she is no longer speaking to H. Doubly relieved. Was hard to explain her once October and All Hallows' was past. Demon in Prada, browsing hemp jewelry, is v. odd sight indeed.

Anya also not speaking to X. X. most unhappy with state of affairs. No pun intended. Much. Asked me to intervene. Objected, but was eventually worn down.

Ergo, took Anya to v. nice luncheon today at Sunnydale's best café under excuse of celebrating successful sale. Anya ordered highly expensive entrées for both after scorning personal choice of sandwich- type foodstuffs. Have to say, has superior taste. Shrimp scampi delicious.

Says, in all seriousness, that the rite of celebration must be done correctly. Is so earnest in her efforts to learn the ways of humanity, could not help but admire her.

However, when conversation turned, dumped remains of scampi in my lap at mention of X's name. Not quite so impressed after that. However, did not call down D'Hoffryn himself as has threatened to do in past, so count myself the winner in present gambit. May (possibly, if marinara stains come out) try again tomorrow.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #7~~

Ten days in. X. given up trying to contact Anya. Gave me card with note for her should she choose to read it. Looked v. unhappy. Offered him chocolate bonbon from customer dish but offer turned down. Must be upset indeed.

S. waiting for him outside. Offered apologies to Anya through me in v. uncharacteristic display of humility. Mumbled something about demon sympathies. Seemed quite sincere. Surprising, yet touching.

I feel for these children. They give their hearts so to whatever they do; when they fall in love, they fall deeply and truly. The severing of any such connection is painful as that of a limb.

Dear lord, spoke in complete sentence there. Am losing my touch.

Gave Anya card as requested. Grew teary-eyed upon taking it, so excused her for the day. Claimed preference to be near in case of need, so slept on couch in office all morning.

Slipped in to cover her with blanket mid-morning. Looked adorable with curls tousled over face and one hand curled up next to cheek. Dear girl.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #8~~

Evening: On waking, Anya approached quite solemnly and wrapped arms around me. Found myself hugged within an inch of life. Then kissed softly on cheek. Said nothing ? no idea what to say. Anya said nothing.

Think perhaps she is starting to heal. All part of becoming human, little Anya. Unhappy process, but necessary.

Stayed late with me to finish inventory. Now find self greatly enjoying her company. Quite the companion.

Memo to self: Do not permit self to begin caring too much. This is business relationship. V. bad to permit carryover into other areas. Will not feel badly concerning decision.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #9~~

Resolve melted. Anya quite irresistible. If decides that one is to be friend, one finds self befriended. Cannot say am unhappy...

Anya asked that message be passed on to S.: "Be happy or I'll kill you both." Delighted with her. Appears to be bouncing back to old (or new, improved?) self.

Shop also doing excellently. Life cannot get better.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #10~~

Must learn to never, ever say those words (see last line, previous entry). "Ultimate jinx" still in effect, as events proved.

W., intending to be helpful, attempted "Tabula Rasa" charm to erase X. & Anya's memory of breaking up. Not, I should say, a success. Naturally, managed to black out (fell with head in Anya's lap ? v. embarrassing). Spell then caused all to forget who we were, where we were, etc.

Due to circumstances, Anya and self believed we were "together". As it were. Meanwhile, X. and S. bitterly fought over W. (Fortunately, T. not in shop at time of spell ? more on that momentarily.)

B. went out to find answers ? how planned on that, not sure. X. & S. scrapping like alley cats. Meanwhile in top form, Anya decided time spent waiting to regain memories should not be wasted.

As suspected, Anya v. creative in judicious use of time management. Am still blushing. Had hands in v. indelicate places if recalling correctly (not bloody likely to forget!).

Kissed her. Truly kissed her. She tastes of cinnamon and fruit eaten directly from vine. V.... moving. Thus hands in places, etc.

As mentioned, T. not in shop at time of spell's casting. Happened upon us, found situation exceedingly funny in own quiet way, and undid effects by smashing certain crystals. Just in time, so speaking, concerning Anya & self.

Not sure: bless her or swear v. quietly under breath? Anya...

W. now in midst of groveling process over another misuse of magic. S. and X. gone. Don't know where; again, not asking.

As for self, internal debate continues: came to with lips on Anya's and hands a-roving. Was embarrassed, but Anya insistent upon finishing. When request denied, pouted and demanded to know why not.

Well, why not?

Not sure how to explain. Not sure if I know answers to her questions.

Life v. confusing at present. Thought shop-keeping would be much simpler than has proven to be.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #11~~

Still walking softly around Anya. Don't know how to approach. Don't know what to do. Ache to touch her, hold her again. Afraid to. Damnable coward, Giles!

Saw her today unpacking shipment of West African fertility statues. Most attractive pieces. Don't think she thought anyone watching. Ran her hand over a particularly pretty one. Saw tear slip down her cheek; heard her sniffle. Heart nearly broken over sight. Wanted so to go and hold her.

Didn't. Am now in v. bad mood and will take it out via training session with B. Will advise her I mean to play no games today.

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #12~~

Anya bandaged wounds following training session. Memo to self: do not "play rough" with Slayer who claims to be suffering from pre- menstrual hormones. Claims did not intend to hurt me. Not so sure about that.

Anya v. tender and gentle. Soft hands on mine wake such thoughts and memories.

Feeling self teetering on some sort of precipice. Falling inevitable. But whither will we/I land?

If I only knew...

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #13~~

Saw Anya deep in conversation with T. this evening. Pretty blond heads bent together, thick as thieves, whispering, grinning, glancing in my direction.

Am now officially terrified.

And, strangely, excited.

Wonder what T. & Anya found so fascinating?

~~Diary of Rupert Giles, #14~~

Found out.

Woke early this morning, v. snug and cozy. Delicious sense of languor. Didn't want to move. Soon discovered this due to small female body wrapped around self. Thankfully, for sake of heart, fully clothed. Flannel kitten pajamas, v. sweetly attractive.

Anya.

Yawned prettily and stretched when I flinched (inadvertent, due to surprise). Stared with direct, dark eyes & said: "This outfit isn't meant to attract you sexually. I would have worn something that involved inappropriate lace, silk and a bright shade of red if that were the case. But I wouldn't mind if you did find me appealing in them."

Blinked at her.

Anya tilted head to side. "You're not going to kick me out of the bed, are you? It's extremely comfortable in here. I like being with you."

Astounded. Delighted. Not sure how found courage, but wrapped arms more tightly around her and shook head. Kissed her softly. Murmured, meaning it: "Stay as long as you like."

"Good," Anya said firmly. "I've decided where I want to be."

Heart overflowed. Kissed her again. Events progressed despite feline nightgear.

Woman is amazing. No, better. Astounding? Ferocious? Passionate? Delicious? Gorgeous? Devoted? Certainly all of above + more.

Afterglow: glorious.

Nearly noon; Anya still sleeping snuggled against side as I write this. Glancing at her fondly from time to time. Well aware of how lucky I am. So v. lucky.

Don't know where turn of events will lead. But am quite happy to find out...

FIN